So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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