I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
