I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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