I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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