Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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