Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
