So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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