YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
