i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
