They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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