In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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