my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't deserve a penis
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
