You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
