He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
