can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
