So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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