Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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