I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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