She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
