I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
