Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
