The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize