I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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