I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
