My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize