we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm really busy with my period
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