I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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