i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
