Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
