I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
