He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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