That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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