FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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