He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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