maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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