I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
