Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
