I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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