Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
