Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
