I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
