I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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