The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
