More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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