You made me cry and you don't even care
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
