Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
