I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
