connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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