i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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