im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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