took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
