I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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