Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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