he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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