If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
