Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
