Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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