He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
