His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
