3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
