singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
