She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's never too late to be topless.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
