This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
