I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His nipple licking is glorious
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