I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
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You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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