who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
