does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
