Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
