i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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